Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Come see our sink grown plant.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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