can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
