my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
