They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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