i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize