Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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