You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
