I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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