you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize