Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
