Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize