just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
