You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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