i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
