yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
