my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
