i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
