why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
