and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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