we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You ate ashes out of my bong
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
