fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
