we have officially lost it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
