after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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