My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
