cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
