We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
