Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
