I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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