my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
