omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
