My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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