he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
