I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im holly from the hills drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
