Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
