So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
