we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
