shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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