She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
