I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize