Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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