Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize