i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
