did you get engaged???
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
