You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
