can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
