I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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