I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
