This is not my ceiling
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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