If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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