I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
