I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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