dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
