and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
