I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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