Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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