I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
