i love accidental penises.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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