FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
