as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
