its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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