happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
