The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
