So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize