Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
