eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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