A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
