Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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