Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
