So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
