yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
