She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
