I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
