I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize