Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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