He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
