sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
