I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
