TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
