9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Still dying that you shit outside
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm bleeding and have questions
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
