I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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