he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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