no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
