It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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