i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
