NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
