why do cheetos always look like penises
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
