My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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