I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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