just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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