it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sarcasm needs its own font
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
