i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
