New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
