yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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