Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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