At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
